It’s my biggest addiction. Probably bigger than sugar. Well, sugar is a part of this addiction.
It’s…being comfortable. Always searching to be comfortable, even if it means going into big debt, not upkeeping friendships and worst of all, not pursuing what I want in my life.
This is what I have realized…I can call it laziness. I can call it driven by fear. It’s this addiction to being comfortable.
I just had a conversation with my man friend and he said, in these last 6 months of 2017, what do you want to accomplish?!
I’ve never really done that before. Never really tried to create something. What I want to create is work for myself that I love, that’s flexible (aka via the internet that I can do from pretty much ANYWHERE in the world). Where I can also connect with people. Be creative.
But, I’m SCARED! Ahhhh. After having the conversation with him, I felt like, AH. NO. I can’t do it. How will I be able to come up with ideas?
My body is like, Don’t you want to go and curl up in your body, watch an episode of OITNB, eat some banana bread and go to sleep? Just skip the blog for today…you don’t need to do it. You’re tiiiiired. Try to figure out what you want with your life? NOooo. Too hard. Go and hide out at your grandparents and then die.
Seriously…sometimes I feel overwhelmed by things and part of my brain goes, Maybe it’s easier to not figure it out and wait to die.
HOW SCREWED UP IS THAT?! What the heck, Brain?!!!! So, I end up in this middle ground, where I’m always seeking comfort, but not happy either. Because, it seems that our true growth happens when we are uncomfortable. That’s where the magic happens.
The biggest thing is that I do not acknowledge the skills that I have. The life experience. Now it’s about applying myself and funnelling these aspects into a job!!! A passion for life!
And it’s going to be hard. But, I’ve got to buckle down and do it. Get it done. Perhaps go and sit somewhere where there’s light (aka not my room) and get it done. Go go GO.
With love, xo.