Honesty is tricky. Personally, I generally believe that being honest is very important. I think within the relationships in my life, that honesty is key to longevity and living authentically. And most importantly, honesty with ourselves.
I find that the toughest is being honest with myself. I’ve found, over the years, that sometimes I *think* I’m being honest and then in retrospect, I see that I put on the blinders because I wanted to see the world a certain way, even though I was seeing things that didn’t match up to the reality that I wanted to see.
Number One where I’ve done that is in relationships. My last serious relationship, I thought that we were going to get married. But, after we’d broken up and I’d gained some perspective, I realized…No. We are not matched well at this point in our lives.
Last summer, I did it again. I thought that I could be one of those people that doesn’t need to have a partner…that I can be open…have sex with people who are having sex with a bunch of other people…turns out, No. My body let me know really clearly on that one. It was a bit of a traumatizing experience, but probably more so because I lied to myself about it. I had a feeling and pushed it aside because I didn’t want to feel it, and then made it worse.
I think when we lie to ourselves it’s like a strike against ourselves. Deep down, we know. We KNOW. But, for various reasons, we do it anyway.
Sometimes though, there are certain situations where I understand why people lie. Like, if I think about Bill Clinton with Monica Lewinsky. He straight up lied that they had had any sexual contact. Does that negate all of the good that he’s done as the president? For me, no. I think that instead of thinking, Oh…he’s a human being and a man, for that matter and he perhaps made a mistake. Or maybe he didn’t. So, he lied because he knew that the backlash would all focus on this personal thing. Why do we feel, as the public, that we have the right to criticize his personal life? And worse, if it’s a woman in the public eye who has made a mistake. I find that men are more easily forgiven.
Personally, I am experiencing the role of the public in a situation where I am part of something where the leader is being accused of things in his personal life and people are criticizing. It also is alleged that it relates to his professional life too, so there’s a grey area. I’m trying it on from different perspectives and questioning why I feel certain ways.
Like, with Bill Clinton, personally…I don’t believe that cheating is okay. I feel like if you’re in a relationship and you’ve committed to being faithful, be faithful or break up. The whole “have your cake and eat it too” is frustrating to me. However, if he and Hillary had an agreement where he was allowed to sleep with other women, then…who are we to judge? That is their personal life. Some people (probably mannnnnyyyy Republicans were very glad they had a reason to criticize him).
That is one thing that I don’t envy for people in the public eye. Especially in today’s day and age, with social media. People are so critical. They feel like they have the right to tear someone apart. It’s sad.
So…I believe it’s good to be as honest as possible, but I also understand that there are certain circumstances where we don’t need to express our opinions about everything. Or share personal information with others. Unfortunately we don’t live in a world where trust is solid.
One thing that I’ve learned from my studies…a question was (paraphrased), Is it always best to have the most current information about something in order to make the best decision? I believe that the answer is Yes.
In terms of Bill Clinton, did I need to know about him cheating for me to support him? No. I don’t feel like that has to do with his ability to be president. When it came out, and then he lied about it? That is when I started wondering. I feel like, Own your mistakes. Own what you’re doing, when it comes out. Address it head on instead of trying to avoid it or telling lies to cover it up. That, for me, is when it starts going down the rabbit hole.
And, the best thing is to evaluate. Every day. Check in with ourselves. And sometimes how we feel changes. That’s okay. Right now, I feel fairly solid, albeit still uncomfortable about certain things. I’m working to have courage to look for the truth, instead of believing the first scintillating things that I’m hearing.
It’s a work-in-progress. xo