I feel bad about myself. I feel like a failure. I feel like I’ve wasted so much of my life doing things that I’m not passionate about and now I feel like it’s hard to go for what I’m passionate about because…I’m older. I’m not that young, newbie 20-25 year old, looking at the world with bright eyes and thinking, I can be whoever I want to be!
I miss those days. The effervescence of youth. And I know…I’m not THAT old yet, but I feel it.
Mostly, I am scared about what I’m going to do after I finish what I’m doing (which could be sooner than later…my boss, especially last year, was always holding that over my head, so now I’m kind of use to it…like I could be replaced at any time).
But, what do I want to do next??? I honestly don’t know. I know that substitute teaching is not something that appeals to me and after 10 years of subbing, that felt like enough. But, then again, it also pays decently (when I get called to work) and there’s flexibility. Maybe I can do that and also something else…!!!! Options!
But, feeling stuck…feeling in a rut…the best thing is to take one small step toward what you may want.
For example, exercise. I’ve gotten myself into exercise ruts many times over the years. And at one point, I was doing a plank for a minute (or however long I could do it), and that’s what inspired me to start doing more exercise. I’m inconsistent…in pretty much everything in my life, so…there’s that. But, getting started is really the hardest part. Once we push past that initial step, then we are capable of soaring!!!
That’s what I want to do: with a future job search, with music (singing and playing guitar), with exercise and with dating. Get started. One small step! Be open to possibilities and check the pride & ego when options are offered that I may have reactions to (like, NO WAY…that’s not enough pay! etc.)
Get ‘er done!
“It’s time to make a changeeeeeee”. xo