Friends…and I don’t mean the show…

What is a friend exactly?

The first definition on dictionary.com is: a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

Hm. It’s interesting to think about. Depending on how you define a friend, I could consider myself as having many, or very few.

One of the definitions on dictionary.com is related to “friends” on social media. I feel like that is a very loose use of the word “friend” as many of us don’t even KNOW some of our social media “friends”.

For me…a friend is someone that I share some sort of value with: whether it’s chatting about life, going to movies, music, personal growth…there are various options. Sometimes we’re lucky enough to have family that are friends, which is especially great because not only do you have the shared history and often understand each other better because of it, but you also have shared interests.

My best friend…I was thinking about why I call her that, and I think first and foremost, it’s the shared history. I’ve known her the longest of all of my friends. We lived together for 3 years during university. We have had long talks, many times. We have each other’s backs when needed. But, we rarely talk to each other nowadays…our lives are so different. She’s married, with a child. Has a very successful career.

And I…don’t.

But we still love each other. And it’s almost more like family because it’s like, even though we have differences, we still care about each other. For example, her sister and I have a lot less in common, in some ways. But I called her my best friend as well, for years. Almost like they came as a package duo. I lived with both of them for 3 years during university.

I just had a memory…and I don’t remember much nowadays. The memory is of flashes of us living together…having chats in one of our rooms. Of having guys over. Of watching our favourite hockey team go into over-time…and then 2nd overtime. Staying up until 1:30am watching, even though we had class at 8:30am. Going out dancing. We had fun. They shared some of the best years of my life. The carefree years.

Currently, where I am now, I feel like I have no friends. There are a few women that I’ve connected with a bit, but we only hang out in our scheduled weekly meeting (which we pay to be a part of). But, like last night, I went out for pizza and a drink, and there was nobody to call.

I also feel like I’ve become a bit of a hermit here. I randomly met a woman in an UberPool one day and she gave me her card, saying that when I wanted to check out the Museum of Anthropology, that she’d come with me.

But I never called. So. It’s definitely my fail too.

Thinking of the show “Friends”, I’ve only briefly experienced that kind of friend group a few times in my life. It was great. I loved having a group of friends to hang out with and share experiences with. I haven’t really had that for about 10 years.

The last 10 years have been hard. I was thinking, Did I break a mirror somewhere in there? Because if I did…that bad luck should be over by now. 😉

One of my very favourite things in the world is connecting with people. So…since it’s so important to me, I think that reaching out to people would be higher on the list of goals, even if they don’t respond back. Even if I’m the one putting out most of the energy.

Something to think about.

Also, I’m thinking about how I can get myself something sweet to get through the next few days. Hmmm…

#BFFs #friends #lonely xo

*M

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