Lots of zzzzzsss, plus stood up…

Today, I came home, after being stood up for lunch, and slept from 6:30pm-9:30pm. I remember waking up at 8:35pm and thinking, OMG…did I sleep in? But then I realized that I’m still wearing regular clothes etc…and I went back to sleep.

I haven’t done that in a really long time. Usually, when I sleep in the evening like that, in throws off my whole sleeping schedule, but I’m going to try to be asleep by 12am.

I was thinking, What happened? I know that for me, sleep has been the great reset button. If I have a headache, usually I can go to sleep and wake up the next morning feeling “good as new”.

I have been stressed with something for the last month or so and last night it really came to a heated peak. And I didn’t sleep much last night.

As for lunch today, being stood up…I had a feeling. Do you ever think that by “having a feeling” about something, that somehow we…create it?

Like, last week, I ordered something online and sent it to a friend’s house, who is coming to see me soon. Unfortunately, this friend lives in a house that is inaccurately portrayed on Google Maps. And so, when I had another friend check if it arrived…apparently it didn’t.

And I was worried about that! In fact, I messaged UPS and contacted a few other people to give specific instructions on where to leave it. It looks like that did not happen. Because the friend couldn’t find it.

So they resent it. Today. Now, I have to wait until tomorrow night, when my friend gets home, to see if it got there.

Another option, besides the UPS person screwing up, is that it’s been stolen. Which would take some dedication on whoever it is, because it’s a bit off the beaten path. But, if the person has figured it out, rarely is anybody there. <sigh>

I really hope it is there.

But, I felt like, by me worrying about it and putting out the extra effort to have it delivered in a spot that’s safe, it backfired and maybe the UPS delivery person kept it. Maybe I created that a bit?!

As for lunch today, maybe it was the same things. First of all, there’s a history. The last time that I saw this man, almost 2 years ago, we were on bad terms. I had said something that he felt I wasn’t suppose to say and somebody else got very angry and distorted it and made me look bad. I felt supremely sad, because I felt like I had just started to build a friendship with this guy.

Also, I found him very hot.

So, that complicated my interactions, for sure.

Now, almost 2 years later, and living in the same city as him, I thought…I’ll see if he wants to go for lunch. As a challenge for myself, because I was nervous to see him. And also because I’d like to patch things, if I can.

First, a few hours before the lunch, he canceled, saying he had a work thing. Second (today), he didn’t bother showing up. I had a feeling that he may not even show up. I got there 20 mins early, but went and got a shaken Teavana tea (yummm btw), and then got there for 4pm. Sat down and waited. At 4:15pm, I texted…are you still coming? He responded with, I’m at a work lunch and completely forgot. I said, Ok. He said, When are you available again? I did not respond.

I don’t know what to say. I feel like, he doesn’t want to meet. I feel like saying, If you *actually* want to meet for lunch, then SHOW up. Or if you don’t, say NO. Don’t waste my time. I took the time out of my day to Uber over to the lunch place. I ended up eating there. Had a tea. Ubered home. Money that wasn’t needed to be spent. And to top it off, I braided my hair 2 days ago and left it in that long, so it would look cute. And I did look cute. I felt pretty good (which, nowadays, is a rarity).

So, on one hand, I’m trying not to be mad about it. On the other hand, I’m mad. Maybe he’s always like this…I don’t know. I don’t know him that well.

I came home. I slept. Now, I’m awake and will decide tomorrow about what I’ll respond. Time to read!!! xo

*M

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