It’s like…I have other options of things to do. I could play guitar and sing. I could go to classes that I have already paid for. I could walk around wherever.
But, instead, I choose to stay home. Today, at least, I read for like 2 hours. But generally, I putter on Netflix, Facebook, Instagram…and do what with my life?
I’m just thinking…two things…one, what if I decided that next week I’m going to enjoy my options and go out more. Even if I feel tired. Push. Do something different. Start LIVING my life. Because this last year and a half, I haven’t been living. I’ve been drifting. I’ve been floating just at the surface, instead of diving in.
The other thing I was thinking about is, am I ready to have this be my life? Am I not going to change anything? While others are out there living amazing lives, am I going to be like them…sitting at home, in my dark room, on my current single bed on the floor…while the days fly by?
I have all of the good intentions to do something different but when it comes time to do it, I feel stuck for some reason. I halt myself. It feels like I’ve been struggling with this for most of my life. But, there was a time where I had a raging social life and always something to do. I never watched T.V. I couldn’t imagine not working out or exercising in some way. I had boyfriends.
But now…it’s like I’m already a spinster. Maybe I should take up knitting? Get a few cats? Sometimes I wonder….
Who am I? xo