Part 3, Day 1

These are super long days. Woke up at 6am, got home at 11pm and now, I’m here typing at 12:15am. Back up again at 6:10am. My body is already like, WTF are you doing?! Mostly my gut. There’s something…either it’s the water or the food that affects my stomach almost every single time. The first time hard-core bad, the second time for a few days, and now today, the first day. I don’t know if it’s emotional or if it’s physical straight up.

Gems: #1-That adversity in life helps to build strength and wisdom.

OK. I know that many people already know this. But, have you ever had it where you hear something so many times and it’s not until you’re “ready” that you ACTUALLY hear it. That’s what it felt like today. I feel like I’ve had quite a bit of adversity in my life. And I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust that I know for myself and I look to others.

Which leads me to my 2nd Gem…Self-reliance.

This one may sound like DUH, but for me, it’s different than independence. I’ve been independent for most of my life…taking care of myself. Self-reliance for me is more about trusting myself. About checking in with myself and what I think/feel about something.

For example, in this course, they are saying many, many things. And often what I’d do is take it as “the truth”. Um, Hello Critical Thinking? Where are you?

So, as I said yesterday, my focus is to be open and critically think and check in with myself.

Duds: A general focus on men, men, men…and from what I am hearing, about the poor poor men and how we women may be in relationships with them, but then we decide that we don’t want us much sex as they do, that means that we are emotionally and mentally abusing them.

NOT. In my opinion, that is a bunch of bull crap. BULLL CRAP. I think it’s up to the agreement that the couple has. One thing this course seems to be teaching is that men have all of these needs and desires and that they should be fulfilled and that women are thwarting them. Which is bullll, in my opinion.

I think both men and women have their own shit to deal with. Another thing that was said is that women are crazy. Oh, great. Keep perpetuating that stereotype. We are definitely different than man and we have irrational moments and do some non-logical things. But, I don’t think we are crazy.

The curriculum is clearly written by a man…well, told by a man, amalgamated by a woman who worships that man.

Now, it’s not to say that it’s all bashing women and uplifting men, but in the 2nd part and now in this 3rd part, it does seem to be quite a bit.

On another note, I was thinking about trust. My boss has told me that he rarely trusts women, especially not to tell them things. Because he’s worried that we’ll blab about it. And I understand in a way, because we have these impulses to share, especially with each other. To connect.

On the other hand…how has he EARNED that we not say anything? Has he individually given people a chance? No. It’s a catch-all, Don’t trust them. And in my defiance, I almost feel like screw you and want to share.

But, I don’t. Not specifics.

This blog is probably the closest thing and it’s non-specific. I wouldn’t call out particular names etc.

My intention is to share with y’all that read this, my particular experience in my life. I find it interesting to read about people and their lives. Our lives are all so different. Nobody has the exact same life. Never have there been two people with the exact same life. It’s fascinating.

Anyway, I don’t know *what* is going on, but my guts is not doing well. Maybe it’s the water? Maybe it’s something in the food? I don’t know. Time to sleep! xo

*M

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