Tomorrow. 6:50am, I’m suppose to be there.
That is one thing…the hours of this course are ridiculously long. And the thing is, the curriculum is quite short, in comparison. Most of our time is spent discussing questions. Which is good in the sense of awakening the brain to do some thinking…and specifically about what I think for myself.
Going into this course, I feel…torn. Part of me is hoping to have a wonderful experience. Keep myself open-minded and really focus on me. Focus on letting go of anybody wanting to hang out with me or be my friend.
That is one of my challenges: wanting to be liked. And I don’t like being left out. When I see groups of women connecting, going out to eat etc, I want to do that too! I want them to want to hang out with me.
But, I’m not popular. I’m not beautiful and rich and I don’t have the confidence that seems to come with these things. So, I think these next 8 days of this course will be about LETTING GO.
Letting go of my expectations. Letting go of this idea of who I think that I should be. And how I think others should be. Connecting with people as they are and not wanting anything from them.
Of course, present in my mind is all of the negative things that my friend has told me about the leaders of this course. And two more people are coming that haven’t been before, that are claimed to be a part of it, so that should be interesting.
I know me. I am strong in me. The key is remember that. Recognize that. Look to myself and people that I deeply trust for guidance. Instead of looking to people just because they seem sure in themselves.
Because, the allegations that this friend and the people that have spoken with her have made are…serious.
I do worry because I feel that I am suggestible. And with people leading it who are trained for like over 20 years in NLP etc…It’s going to be a challenge to stay centered and really check in with myself: is what she’s claiming and saying what I believe in?!
I think about those magicians that do the group hypnosis. My aunt has been a part of it, and she says that she knows what she’s doing, but it doesn’t feel like she’s choosing it. That is SO scary to me.
My question is: why do people do it? Why do they dehumanize people just to get what they want? Consistently.
I think we all do it, but…these people have set up an organization where a LOT of very good people trust the leaders and believe in what they’re saying. Many of the “upper ranks” as they’re called, are constantly saying how smart the person who created much of the curriculum is. How he’s the smartest man in the world.
It’s like hearing a song over and over and over again. At first, you may dislike it…say, Ugh…I really don’t like this song. But then, when you start hearing it over and over and over again, something happens…many people start to like it. I feel like that may be the case here. It’s like you fall into a trance where your critical thinking is left to the wayside and you start really believing in everything that they’re saying.
As my dad said, “Anybody who says that their way is THE way…NO. That’s bull.” (that’s summarized). There are many, many ways in this world. And people who create a program and are very intent on enrolling so many people, preaching that they want to help humanity…but then, on the flip side, have these intentions to…do what these allegations are saying they’re doing.
It’s heartbreaking to think that’s happening. That people who I admire and care about are doing this.
So, tomorrow, as I go into the lion’s den, as it were…well, maybe the entrance to the den, because it’s the people coming here…the den is in the U.S., I look to myself for strength, groundedness and to learn.
Because I think there is value there too. This part is called Relationships. So, we’ll see how it goes.
I’ll keep you posted. 😉 xo