Money money moneyyyy…

Oh, money. It’s such a funny thing with money. Coming from a background of what would be considered middle class-dom in most first world countries, it is interesting my relationship with money.

Of course, there is a huge middle class, so it really varies what the income ranges are. But, for me, I make okay income. I am just not good with spending money that I have…aka, I feel entitled to have things even if I don’t have the money for it.

On one side of the coin, I feel like being a minimalist…getting rid of all of my things and living a simple life. On the other side, I see the pictures that rich people and celebrities put up of flying around on their private jets, sleeping in the BEDROOMS on the jets, vs me searching for an economy priced ticket and stressing out that the ticket price is going up. <side note: my boss said he’d pay for my flight home, and I emailed him saying that I’d like direct flights…6 hours of flying each way vs 12 hours or more…but he hasn’t responded. And I’m stressing seeing the prices of the flights going up up up. I feel like the earlier they’re bought, the better price it’ll be. But, my boss grew up rich his entire life and has no perspective when it comes to “buying things on sale” or “making sure to buy it before the price goes up”. He never worries about those things.)

So, in that, I do want it. I can only imagine what it would be like to be able to wander around the plane freely. To be able to sleep in a comfy queen sized bed. To not worry about money.

I know that’s a different thing: excess luxury vs not having to worry about money.

Sometimes it’s hard not to get carried away seeing these people…like seeing this woman, who grew up in a rich family that has only gotten richer, then she just happens to be born absolutely beautiful and becomes a model…and a successful one at that. These people that have all of the outer riches: beauty, money, a well-paying job to make their own money, adventure, travel…

I know that we all have problems in our lives, but…sometimes I imagine…what would it be like?

Then there’s the opposite side of the coin: I just had an experience where I had a button fall off of my sweater. And I have some shoes that are suppose to be white and I want to get them clean again. I was thinking to ask the people who work here to do it, and I can pay them. I offered it and the older woman said she’d sew the button, but they said they’d show me how to do the shoes. And after she finished the button, I didn’t know what to pay, so I asked her. She suggested the amount of her bus (which is like $1.50). I said, Okay! I mean…if I were to get anybody else to do that in a first world country, it’d be more. And part of me thought, I should do it myself.

Then I worried, now that I’ve paid her for one thing, if I ever ask help for anything else, will they expect money?! Because I do make much more money than they do. A lot more. And I think that comes out from them sometimes. I understand. It’s hard to see somebody getting something that you won’t get. I feel bad that they are as poor as they are. I feel like I shouldn’t be getting what I get somehow. It’s the first time I’ve faced this feeling consistently…like a guilt.

I know (well, I don’t know for a fact, but he’s said various comments to this effect) that my boss has no guilt or feeling sorry at all. He says, That’s the way it is.

Sometimes I have a hard time with that attitude because it feels like there’s no compassion. Like…you’ve been rich your entire life and really have no idea what it means to ACTUALLY struggle for money to buy food and other essentials.

It brings me to a whole other topic that would take up another blog post…how do these class disparities become so vast? How does the gap get so big? How can a person working for a family literally day and night with only 2-4 days off per month be making like $6000 per year. And the family who employs them are making like a million (or more) a year. How does that happen? I know that different skills are worth more or less money, but still…it’s sad. It’s sad to see how hard these people work, away from their families…women away from their young children, just to make a minimal amount of money.

I can try on why people steal and hurt other people for money. They want those “things”. They feel like it would make them happier. I think most of us feel that…like these “things” would make us happier.

I don’t think that a flight sleeping in a bed is going to change my life…but it sure would be freaking cool and also so comfortable!

Oh, money. Oh, life. xo

*M

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