One part drool, one part snot, one part essential oils…

This is a description of the wonderful mixture of fluids that I have on my clothes almost every day. And today, one that happens every now and then: puke!

It’s interesting because…I’ve never been one of those people who has wanted children my whole life. I’ve always liked children and when I was younger, I’d take care of and hang out with kids younger than me, starting with my cousin who is 6 years younger than me. But, I wasn’t planning my wedding and then how many kids I was going to have. I’ve always assumed that I’d have kids.

After having taken care of these two for the last 15.5 months (and with a LOT of help too), I’m not so sure I want kids. I mean, I know it’s different when the kids are yours. You get to make the decisions etc. But, they are EXHAUSTING. And delicious. But, EXHAUSTING. The other thing is, I’m at an age where it’s more at-risk to have kids. Do I want to take that risk with my body?

I mean, I am very clear that I do not want to be a single parent. So…at this point…it may not even be an option to have a child, because there is no possibility of a partner on the horizon. And thinking about that is also sad to me.

I mean, in one lifetime, we can only experience so much, so I know that I will be “missing out” on many experiences in my lifetime. But one of the stereotypical experiences of being a woman is to have a child. And I’ve always thought it’d be fascinating to have a child…be pregnant…then to have a living thing emerge from INSIDE MY BODY. Wow!

But, after that…how people’s lives change so much…I don’t know. I don’t know if I’d want that.

It’s an interesting thing too because there’s the aspect of having family and growing your own family. Like for birthdays and other events…where will I go? I feel like I’d miss out on a huge aspect of being a human being: having my own child.

I know 100% that I do not want twins. Haha.

Well, time to head toward bed (hopefully). Need to be rested for another loooong day tomorrow! xo

*M

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