All the feels, plus some fluff…

Where to start? I was sitting here, thinking about stuff and what I’m going to write about, when I thought, Well…how was my day? What impressed upon me today?

The first thing that popped into my head was Jimmy Kimmel’s opening monologue. Someone posted it on Facebook and when I first saw it, I thought, “Ok cool. I’ll watch this. Jimmy Kimmel is funny.” But as it started, I realized…this is a serious and heartfelt opening monologue and it really moved me. I thought it was so brave of him to go on television and be so open and honest about his experience of his son being born and then finding out he wasn’t totally well. So powerful.

I can kind of relate. One of the babies that I take care of was okay for the first hours after he was born but then they realized the temperature in his extremities was low…he was too cold. Then they discovered that not only did he only have one functioning kidney, he also had a coarctation in his heart. Which later required surgery. So, watching Jimmy Kimmel share about his experience connected me back to the stress and fear of that time.

Another thing that impressed upon me is that, I felt it was so brave of him to share like that, but also because he was emotional. In most societies, somehow it has been made not okay for men to cry. Which I find so sad in and of itself. I feel like men should be able to express and feel, and that it be a safe place for them. I’m taking a course that explores things like that: the different roles of men and women and society and how we are generally raised. I have a much better appreciation for how men are treated and the expectations on them.

And on the fluff end of things, I enjoyed looking at pictures of the Met Gala red carpet and all of the crazy outfits people were wearing. Part of me thinks it would be so fun to go to these events with the capacity to wear some sort of cool outfit. At one point I thought it’d be fun to be a model for that reason…being able to wear all sorts of clothing! Of course, the downside of that is you have to wear all sorts of things you wouldn’t want to wear. And if you’re a runway model, even worse! Having to wear clothes that restrict how you walk, in heels that are sometimes too small or weirdly built (see Lady Gaga’s heels) and looking straight ahead without falling off the runway. It’s a lot more work than people think it is. So I hear, because I have never been close to being a model.

I just had a thought…I remembered a weird job that I had at one point…I essentially did model…but, it was more like…pictures taken of me. It was a dude…an older dude, that I met from this lovely woman that I knew through mutual friends. I forget how she recommended him, but essentially, he wanted to practice his photography. This was when I was an actor. And into creative things. So, I met with him and we discussed it. He liked to take fantasy pictures. He had these cool helmet and swords etc. And he’d pay me cash.

Now, he wanted me to do it naked. Or topless at least. I was like, NOPE. And NOPE. So, we compromised with bathing suit, and occasional sarong (over bathing suit).

At first, it was super awkward. Because while I was an actor, I did not know how to move my body. I’d never been a dancer (a few jazz classes when I was 9 doesn’t count). I was (and still am) super awkward in my body. But, we did a few photoshoots and some of the pictures turned out quite beautiful. Looking back at it, I’m glad I did it, even though maybe it was a bit sketchy, in terms of what he wanted to do with the pictures. But, I never took any pictures I wasn’t comfortable with and he was not pressuring me.

Then I thought about, What other weird jobs have I done? I’m going to go and make a list! xo

*M

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