Become their employee.
I’ve read about how, if you want to really get to know someone, watch how they treat animals. Also, I’ve heard about, watch how they treat someone less fortunate than them. I suppose this could be the same: all of us employees are “less fortunate” in that we are not rich like he is (to varying degrees-I’d be considered middle class, whereas everybody else who works here would be considered poor, more or less…financially anyway).
Another question I have is: why is it okay for you to speak rudely to us but if we respond in kind, you become livid? This applies to both the Dad and the Grandma. The grandma is MUCH, MUCH worse, but the Dad does it too. Both of them speak quite rudely and harshly to their employees in the house. Moreso to the poorer employees…I don’t receive it that much.
And it’s for the stupidest things. If it were for important mistakes, that would be different. I’d want to ask the Dad…because he has done many, many years of personal growth work…
Why don’t you show compassion toward the employees that take care of your children? Or who drive your children? We all make mistakes. Do you feel entitled to us not making mistakes? Do you feel entitled to us doing exactly as you say, whenever you say it and never questioning? Because last time I checked, I didn’t think we were in a dictatorship here…maybe you think we are?
Why would I stay then, you ask? Well, the thing is…for me…they don’t really treat me that way. Not very often. Like, if a mistake is made and the Grandma finds out it was me that made it, she is much calmer toward me. But if it were one of the girls…forget it. This morning, she was shouting at one of the girls because she dared to go and take a shower. There were already 3 of us available, so…I don’t see why she needed this 4th person. But, she made a huge fuss about it…yelling at her. Over and over. She wouldn’t let it go. And all the woman could say was, “Si, señora” over and over again in reply. One of the babies was a bit frightened by it and went over and slammed the door to the room we were in. Because, the way the grandma does it is…she screams at the person in front of everyone.
The question that I have is: the Dad is so concerned that the babies not interact with anybody outside of a very small circle of people because he says that in these first few developmental years, it is important for them not to be exposed to any violence. Don’t you think hearing your grandma screaming at the woman who takes care of you…that’s a bit violent, no? I don’t agree with the way the grandma interacts like that, especially with this specific woman in general. But, why not go into another room away from all of us and tell her? Why in front of the babies? Because this woman spends a lot of time with the babies and I have this fear that the Grandma (and Dad) will teach them that it is okay to treat them like this.
It is not.
Everybody deserves to be treated with care and respect. Income and social status should not determine how we treat people.
Like most abusive relationships, the Grandma can also be quite sweet and say, Thank you. She doesn’t have tantrums, like a child, all of the time. In my opinion, as an employer, and with people you choose to employ in your house, who essentially LIVE here, you should check yourself.
We are all human and have moments of frustrations and irritations. But, we can notice the impulse to want to snap at people around us. Especially those people working their butts off.
I want to cry thinking about it. I’ve been thinking about it all morning, because it really bothers me.
There are 3 women, but 2 of them specifically, that take care of these kids, LITERALLY day and night. DAY AND NIGHT. Non-STOP. Every 2-3 weeks, they get 2 days off. These women get up in the middle of the night when the babies wake up screaming. They wake up to change their diapers, so that their diapers don’t get too wet. They feed them. They wake up to give them their medicines (and they’re almost ALWAYS sick, so that is often). And they rarely to NEVER complain. I complain for them. They don’t talk back. When we talk about it, they’re not happy about it, but they don’t say anything to the Grandma or the Dad.
I heard that once, one of the girls went home for her 2 days and then didn’t come back. It wasn’t until the Grandma called or something, she agreed to return. I think the Grandma decides she doesn’t like someone and then, treats them like shit. One of the other women that works with the kiddles (not as often) is not as efficient or hard-working as these other two, but she is not picked on.
I’ve never liked seeing the underdog picked on (bullied essentially). I’ve never liked being bullied. So, when I see it happening, it saddens me a lot. Part of me wants to run away from it…not work here. But, another part of me says, No. Stay here! Try to help effect change and in that, work on how I bully. How I am not compassionate.
I told the Grandma this morning that the baby got frightened when she was yelling and she said that he just needs to get use to it. That’s how she talks. I feel like she is capable of compassion…but sometimes, when she is feeling shitty, she forgets that compassion and takes it out on them. One of the biggest examples is the nurse/nanny that was with the babies from Month 2 to Month 10. The grandma was CONSTANTLY picking on her until one day it was enough. And it caused a bit of drama because this person’s aunt was (is?) the Grandpa’s right hand woman.
The funny thing is…I don’t know who I can trust here. In the car today, we were talking about these situations with the woman who takes care of the babies now, but also the house person, as well as the chauffeur who has been working for the Dad for 23 years. We occasionally debrief or vent in the car (after we’ve dropped the babes off). I was just thinking, I wonder if I can trust them? Because I do tend to get worked up when I’m upset.
The thing is, What do I have to lose? Income from working? Yes. Perhaps losing the ties I have to the community of people that I’m a part of and that the Dad is also a part of (and held in VERY high esteem since he doesn’t show his full self when he’s with them; people see him as almost a God). Yes. But, at the end of the day, I have myself to answer to. And I do not think it’s okay to be treated that way.
How do we think the problems of the world originated? With simple interactions like this. That’s how we can scale down to how each individual person can relate. Many of us say, What can I do about that big problem re: Syria etc? Well, we can start and look at ourselves: how do we treat other people? Are we compassionate? Are we caring?
That’s for everyone! Right now, I want to work on finding compassion for the Dad and the Grandma. They both must be going through something in order for them to treat others so badly…specifically the Grandma. She must be pretty unhappy to be like that.
The first step is Awareness. And then being honest with yourself about what kind of world you want to be in. Do you want others to treat you well? Then we need to work on treating others well. xo