One moment you’re here and then you’re gone and other injustices…

 I found out this morning that one of the chauffeurs (the grandma’s personal chauffeur) DIED in the night.

The part that is hard is that he was here on Friday. He was helping in the kitchen because the chef was away. Friday…I remember seeing him briefly and I was told that he seemed totally fine, in good spirits and laughing.

I didn’t really know him…he drove me to a doctor’s appointment once. He seemed like a good person. And then, Boom. I haven’t heard exactly what happened, but it seems he went into the hospital on Saturday when he wasn’t feeling well…and never left. Something to do with his kidneys…I believe I understood that he had kidney stones. It is so sad.

Then I think about…what his life might have been like…like many of the staff that work in this house, most of his life was spent working. At night, he would go home. And his hours weren’t too crazy, because the grandma doesn’t go out until crazy hours.

But, the other chauffeurs…sometime they’ll be up until 1am and then have to be ready to drive the kiddles to school by 8:30am. I think those nights they sleep in the chauffeurs room, on this thin little foamie thing, with all of the other chauffeurs there. Ugh. They spend waaaay more time together than they do with their families, including on Christmas or other holidays. All in the name of money.

I found out that one of the women that helps take care of the babies…essentially she never stops working, day and night. She is overnight (with another woman) and even though they take turns getting up with them throughout the night, she is still woken up by them. The babies wake up various times from when they go to sleep around 8pmish. And sometimes they’re up for good by 4:30am…5am…sometimes 6:30am/7am (a bit later now with the time change). And then they work. ALL DAY LONG. No stopping. Until about 10:30pm or so. It’s crazy. How much does she get paid? $20 per day. I mean, it’s literally like $1 per hour. She sleeps maybe 4-6 hours in a night, but is on-call for all of it. She never stops working.

It makes me think about how many disparities there are in the world. There are so many. The family she works for were multi-millionaires…and may be still. They are definitely very wealthy. They probably made more hourly than she makes in a year.

I can understand why people steal…why people working for these families might lie and steal. I think they feel like it’s unfair and why should they be working themselves literally to death while these rich people fly everywhere on their fancy jets, and all of their luxuries, and on top of that, sometimes treat the people who work for them like SHIT. It feels so sad.

And…this leads me to the children. I really don’t want them to grow up into these kids that are spoiled little shits with no respect for others.

These people who take care of them…the kids make a huge mess and then others clean up after them. Now, I know the dad was raised this way, so he’s used to not cleaning up after himself. AT ALL. He’ll leave his shoes wherever and someone will always go and bring them to his room. He doesn’t even put away his own clothing. He leaves his clothes wherever and the staff come and pick up after him. I know that many, many people in the world have that. But, it breaks my heart to think that these babies will grow up like that too. The dad is already doing that with them…not setting boundaries.

Number 1, we live in an apartment that is not made for kids. There are bookshelves, a whole sitting area with a bunch of off-limits things, as well as statues and many, many other things.

Yesterday, the dad let the babies pull down a bunch of the grandpa’s books off a shelf. They made a huge mess. And, of course, the mess was left to the staff to pick up.

I think that the babies should be sitting in chairs when they eat, but the dad will let them wander around, touching things…and their food gets EVERYWHERE. Of course, he’s not the one cleaning it. But if anything is even a bit dirty, then the staff get yelled at (by the grandma). Or even him.

It’s hard though because, while I am definitely not catered to like the grandparents and dad, and babies, I still have some privileges. One is that someone cleans my room and bathroom. But, often in the bathroom, one of the women will clean it but she’ll step all over the white bath mats with her shoes and leave black shoe marks on the mats where I step after I am clean from the shower. And I felt annoyed by that. I think, instead of feeling annoyed, I can communicate with the person and move along. If it keeps happening over and over, I can address that, but getting annoyed that it even happened at all is not compassionate.

So, I’m not perfect. AT ALL.

Things like the chauffeur dying is a reminder to me….how do I want to be living my life? I am not the same as these people…working their life away essentially. But, it has still been hard. It feels like work is my life, and I don’t really have friends here and my family is far away.

Why am I here? Is the money that important to forego having friends and family close?

I am here for various reasons: to have a different experience than what I was having for so many years, to make money and pay off debt (I’ve been failing on that one) and to love these babies so much for the time I’m with them. So, while I do really, really miss my family, I also feel like…I didn’t leave much of a life for myself anyway. Like…I had an okay life, but it wasn’t very fulfilling. Now I’m feeling this same struggle…so, it’s something within me to work on. No job, friends or family will fix that.

So, I have the rest of my time here to focus on myself and really work on enjoying the fact that I don’t currently have much responsibility or pressure (in terms of things like paying my bills). Before I started this job, I thought to myself what a perfect time for me to work on myself and figure out what I want! Unfortunately, I haven’t done a very good job in that so far.

Time to simplify. Time to figure out what I want in this life and not just be waiting to die. <shudder> That is sad.

May this lovely man’s soul rest in peace and may we all look to appreciate every day that we are alive. xo

*M

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