Just one look and I felt so…

I went to a friend’s (well, more of an acquaintance, since I don’t know him that well)’s birthday tonight. It’s was pretty good…I chatted with some people that I know and had passing conversation with a few people.

It’s interesting…I think that the birthday guy is interested in me. To what extent, who knows? Or it could just be friendliness. I’m not interested in him that way, but I noticed that it still felt good when there was a hand on my waist or a hug. Also, talking to another guy I know (one of his friends) and he put his hand on my waist or my back…

<sigh> I miss male physical contact. With a man that I’m comfortable with…and I’m not talking about sex. I’m talking about…even hugging or flirting. I miss it. I feel like it’s been so long and for the last almost 1.5 years in this job, I have felt ugly and unattractive.

I vaguely remember what it was like when I felt attractive. When I felt like I could walk into a place, look around, see a guy I’m attracted to and know that I could chat with him and he’d be interested. And then he was.

Nowadays, that is not the case. At all. I think it’s a combination of reasons:

1) I’m older and not as attractive. Or, it take more for me to look attractive. My hair isn’t as nice as it use to be. My face and skin aren’t either. I have grey hair and wrinkles.

2) For various reasons, my confidence level has gone down and that comes across.

3) I don’t work at taking care of myself like I use to…specifically with exercise.

I miss it. I miss those days when men that I found attractive would flirt with me. I miss that little thrill feeling.

Now, having a guy friend put his hand on my back is my biggest thrill. It’s pretty sad.

This aging thing is tough, yo.

Anyway, time for bed! xo

*M

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