Booooody…I’m run by my body…

It’s true. Depending on how my body feels is how I make decisions.

For example, today I had planned to go to this get-together reading, but my stomach was feeling unsettled, so then I thought I could call in. Nope. I did neither. I was feeling exhausted, so I had a nap instead. A fitful nap, because, of course, 1) I had set my alarm for earlier and then snoozed it a bunch. 2) The kiddles are right outside my door doing their usual screaming and screeching.

So. How am I going to achieve anything in my life if I’m being run by my body? I don’t feel like exercising, so here I am with a weak body.

It usually ends up being that I’m tired or that I feel sick in some way (diarrhea, headache, cold etc). I miss classes that I’ve paid very good money for. I miss social gatherings. I miss having a richer, fuller life.

There are so many things that I’ve signed myself up for that I don’t actually do. This has been a pattern for as long as I can remember. One time, I signed up for these fitness classes where you do the class while standing on these things that essentially vibrate. I googled it. It’s called a “Body Vibration Platform”. I believe it’s intention is to engage muscles we might not engage normally. I let myself be enrolled into paying for a package of like…15 classes? 20 classes? And it had an expiration date. I attended 2 of those classes. I’ve done this with yoga classes…and various other things. Right now, I’m signed up for 3 different personal growth type of things, and I’m not consistently doing any of them. 😦

Per month, I’m paying about…oh my God. The equivalent of about $680 per month. Holy crap! For one of them, I’ve already paid the year amount straight up, or it would cost even more, so I’m more aware of the other two which is about $275/month.

And what am I doing? Watching “Truman Show” on Netflix until 2am and then still can’t sleep, so probably end up going to sleep at like 2:30am. So, when I wake up at 7:20am, I’m very tired. And then I nap. And the cycle continues.

Who are these amazingly motivated people? And were they ever like me? Did they ever have a part of themselves that wants to be a better person and follow these amazing programs and better myself through those tools? Experience life more fully! Or were they raised a certain way that set that foundation and they’ve gone from there? Or did it take a life struggle like getting cancer to make them change?

That’s what scares me. Especially being in this polluted city where I’ve gotten sick so much more…is it going to take me getting really sick for me to make a change? I really, really, really hope not.

Right now, I’m looking at and prioritizing these things that I’m doing. And looking to focus on one area and really push with it. Really focus on making a change….for once in my liiiiife.

I have hope. xo



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