I wonder if I’m in the Truman Show…

Do you ever feel like that? I remember watching the movie with Jim Carrey, “The Truman Show” and wondering if I was am also in the same type of thing as the Truman Show and they made that movie to see how I’d react to the possibility.

It’s scary in a way. I was thinking about it. Because it’s like your whole world has been a lie. Everything.

Then there’s the whole aspect like in the Matrix…that we are all just brains in vats connected and we think that we are people in bodies. <insert Twilight Zone music here>

So, I spoke to the friend again. I’m actually not suppose to be even typing about it. It’s an interesting concept. But also very weird. And I’ll leave it at that.

It got me thinking though. I’m at a place in my life where I don’t seem to know how to help myself. I satiate a lot: in sleep, in FOOD (98% in food), in shopping, in desserts (did I mention food?)…

And what am I accomplishing in my life?! Not much. And it feels bad. Maybe there are some people out there that are honestly perfectly content with what they are doing, and that is SO awesome! I wish that for myself too.

But, I’m not. And I feel like I can’t seem to help myself out of out. And it all relates to comfort. I also want to feel good. But, in order to accomplish things in life, we can’t always feel good. Intellectually, I understand these things. But I have let myself be a slave to my body and how I feel. Shifting that seems to be the key to making a change.

There are so many different programs, podcasts, talks, speeches, leaders etc in the world that are here to help us, so they say. I can’t help but be cynical sometimes. Or, sometimes I can imagine that people have good intentions with bad results.

Any way it is, I believe that at the end of the day, we are in charge of our own destinies.

I had a wonderful conversation with a male friend of mine. When he first started being friendly with me, I assumed he was only interested in sleeping with me. And while that may be part of it, he is also the type of person to acknowledge that he may feel that impulse and not act on it, and still relate to me as a human being. I know that can be a struggle for men (and women, of course, but on the whole, generally more for men). So, I admire him for that. Today, in our conversation, he was very encouraging to me and I really appreciate that so much.

I do know that I want to make a shift and with my conversation with him and with this other friend in the interestingly crazy program, similar themes came up. I don’t think that’s by coincidence. Stuff is happening in my life and the people that take the time to check in with me are hearing what I’m saying and intuitive about what’s going on with me. It’s pretty impressive.

I do want to be a more open, caring, non-fearful (aka BRAVE), adventurous, solid and happy person. How to get there? Acknowledge where I’m at now. And make baby steps. Bit by bit. I can do it. xo

*M

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