First World Problems and such…

Have you ever been pretty into a TV show…you watch it and generally enjoy it…and then you find that it steadily gets worse and worse and worse and BLECH. That was my experience with “Suits”. When I first started watching it, I thought, This is pretty good. It’s interesting. The actors work well together, albeit the storyline has its completely ridiculous moments, I like the characters overall. Gabriel Macht is HOT.

But, I just finished watching Season 5, which happened to be on Netflix and…I barely made it through the last few episodes (I have this thing of not giving up and in this case, it meant slogging through almost unwatchable episodes). The storyline got really stupid…characters were doing stupid, enraging things…I found myself not liking most of the characters. Blech. I read what Season 6 has been and I’m glad that I had no intention of watching it. Seriously. So bad. BAD.

And, part of why I was watching it is to distract myself (same ol’ pattern there…). I have this uncomfortable feeling in my solar plexus. I ate dinner…I had the rest of my yummy cashew milk and it’s still kind of just…sitting there. I feel uncomfortable.

What I usually do when this happens is to try and figure it out. Or cover it up. Well, I have tried both and to no avail. So, I guess what’s left is to be with it. Let it be. Don’t try to change it or make sense of it. Let it be. This is when I usually stay up until ungodly hours on Instagram. To try not to feel. I’m also backed up, probably because of the antibiotics, so that’s not helping the situation either. I feel gross in my body.

I actually, besides the sick part, was feeling better in my body for a bit there. Since starting the next set of antibiotics, I started feeling gross, inflamed and puffy. Ay.

I was reading an article about Ayahuasca. It’s been popping up here and there and I am definitely curious about it. Drugs, in general, scare me, so it’s not something I’m particularly drawn to, but from what I’ve been reading it seems like the Ayahuasca process is amazing for shifting ourselves and gaining perspective. I feel like that is something I really need right now. I can’t seem to help myself.

My cousin thinks I’m depressed. Maybe I am. I’m not sure. I feel deflated in a lot of ways, for sure. Not depressed in the “I can’t get out of bed and want to slit my wrists” way. Literally, by definition, I do feel “pulled down”. Like…I can’t quite get up.

I dunno. I gotta start taking small steps to help myself, I think. Before I crush my spirit. xo

*M

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