Why does it feel like…well, for me, sometimes it feels like when I get that material thing, that I’m happy? Even for just that moment.
I decided to get some exercise today and because exercising outside here while sick is worse than being inside, I went to the mall. A huge mall. I had a mission…there were some shoes that I’ve been trying to find. Etc. As it goes with mall shopping.
I walked up and down and uppppp and doowwwnnn the mall for hours. When I went into one of the stores, they had these jeans that I LOVE but have been discontinued so I can’t get them anywhere. I was so excited!!!!! But they are expensive. Even though they’ve been discontinued, they are still charging premium prices for them. But, in that moment…I was SO freaking excited to come across them. I didn’t go into that store specifically looking for them…I happened across them. When I tried them on, I thought to myself…if these fit, I may actually even PAY this amount for them because I love them so much! (They did not fit, which is good for my bank account, aka credit card).
I was thinking about it though…why did I get so excited?
I think for me, it’s like…the chase, in a way. Like, when there’s something that I want and I search everywhere for it, and then I finally get it…it feels good, if not temporarily. Because, as we all know, the material world cannot make us happy, no matter how much of our happiness we ascribe to it. It’s very momentary.
I had another moment. There are these shoes that I’ve been trying to find EVERYWHERE. I have been into so many stores, different malls…and tonight, once I had pretty much given up on finding them, I just *happened* to be walking past the men’s department…I just happened to be on that floor. And, lo and behold, when I went in to check (the men’s shoe department happened to be at the entrance to the mall where I was walking…coincidence?!), they HAD THE SHOES I WANTED. It was a half size smaller than the ones I have (in a different color, but that I love so much), so I was worried…but I tried them on and…voila! They fit! They are Converse with the Nike Lunarlon insole…I love Converse shoes, but I don’t like how little support they have. So I was in a shoe store one day and someone suggested these ones. LOVE THEM. That was over a year ago. So, I’ve been looking for black recently. Nowhere to be found here. They had similar ones but with the gaudy white sole, which I didn’t like. But then, tonight…tonight I found them!!! So satisfying. For that moment.
The funny thing is, part of me wants to be the minimalist type of living…where I only have what I need, and that’s it. But, then there’s another part of me that loves variety and new things, and that’s what happens with my clothes (I have a lot of clothes and shoes…even though I got rid of a TON just over a year ago). I like having choice and variety. So, while I did not *need* anything that I bought today, I like what I bought. It’s tricky.
I think, a better question is, could I afford it? The answer is No. So, that is really where the problem lays.
Speaking of not being able to afford things…on a bigger scale, I was thinking about how the current American government is making these big cuts to essentially programs that help the public in general…the non-wealthy people (and the environment too). Buuuut, while those cuts are being made, it seems that the current “leader” of the free world is galavanting off to his private estate to the tune of $3million. THREE MILLION EFFING DOLLARS. That is…completely insane to me. What’s more insane to me is that this man can afford this on his own, but because there are some incredibly idiotic people that voted him in, the people of the USA are now paying for him instead.
I just…can’t comprehend that. Who is even in charge of budgeting for what can be spent on the president? Is it a free-for-all? I just…when will this ridiculousness be over? When will he be impeached? Please? I’m not even American, but I feel the “earth crumbling under our feet”. What a horrible time to be alive in the world, in so many ways.
Then again, it seems that government is always corrupt in some ways, and unfortunately many of the people in government are only looking out for themselves.
I believe that the leaders of countries should be more like the former Uruguayan president: humble, caring about the general public and not making a crazy amount of money.
<sigh> It’s disheartening.
On that note, it’s time to go to sleep! xo