#Wahwah poor me and other tales of how I overwhelm myself…

Do you ever have times that you just feel…I dunno. Grumpy or self-pitying or whatever.

I have a reaction when I get hit in the face. Yes, you say…of course I do.

But, really. Like, when the babies hit me in the face with their hands, I feel like an immediate anger surge up. Likewise with getting hit anywhere on my head.

It just happened. I was reaching over to plug in my computer cord and because the outlet is underneath the bunk bed I sleep on <sigh>, I was crouching down, as per usual, but didn’t give myself enough space and WHAM right to the back of my head. A few other times I’ve given myself a big whack to the head reaching for something.

It feels horrible. Like, I’m not in pain right now, but I can feel like a pressure. But, the biggest part is that I feel angry. I feel grumpy-angry.

I remember when I was about…20 or so. My friend at the time, Jasmine, was driving. A guy, Robert, was in the front seat and I was in the back seat. I leaned forward so my head was between the two of them, so I could hear them and talk to them. Well, I don’t remember exactly WHY she chose to do this, but Jasmine whipped her fist backward and punched me in the nose. I remember I couldn’t breathe. She pulled over and Robert was like lifting me up a bit and dropping me. I couldn’t figure out why. Later, someone told me that’s what you do when a guy gets kicked in the balls…to make their balls drop again. Haha.

I remember feeling like just so…RAGEFUL. Not a word. But, you get the drift. I genuinely wonder what that is. Why I get so…reactive. I mean, it hurts, but then the extra component of rage…I dunno.

So, there I was…smacked my head and it’s like the cherry on top. I had just spent a bunch of time on Facebook (sigh) and then my computer fan has been running non-stop every time that I use my computer. And my throat is hurting and I’ve been coughing all day. And I just feel….BAHHHH.

That’s where the component of overwhelm comes in. Like, one thing happens, then another little thing…then another little thing and it adds up. I think that may be a female thing…that we get annoyed at one thing, and then a bunch of little things happen and we feel mad. I overwhelm myself. I feel like I can’t handle it and then I get like, BAH. I should just go to bed. Whatever. I give up.

But, really…it’s just body feelings. And maybe disappointments. I am okay. I’m sitting here. Blogging.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I feel crappy. And that’s okay. We don’t need to feel happy all the time. I think that’s a cultural thing…we are expected to be cheery, happy and smiling. Especially women. But, you know what? Sometimes we don’t feel that way. So, let’s be real. No need to indulge the crappy feeling or the fears, but no need to shove it down and pretend either.

Buenas noches to the few people who read this…oh, and my Mamma! xo

*M

 

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