My intensive ended today. It was quite the ride.
We had a moment today…basically, men made questions to ask the women, and women made questions to ask the men. The questions were questions that we might be scared to ask directly, but we want to know the answer. The point was to be honest, so we could better understand each other.
It was hard. It was hard to hear some of the answers, but I’m grateful that it was shared with us. When we finished reading their answers, we came out of our side and all of the men were standing on their side and they started clapping. Us women felt so overwhelmed and so touched by that. Most of us were crying.
This whole course has been a process of getting to know each other as humans, and also to acknowledge the differences between men and women, with both sides actively looking to bridge the gap as best and as honestly as we can. The process was so beautiful, compassionate and painful.
We still have a ways to go, but it felt great to have 100 people who more or less are committed to working on the relationship. It’s indescribable in words and I feel like I’m going to be processing for awhile.
I think, right now, I’m feeling a bit…numb almost. Might be a protective barrier because I don’t like to feel things that are painful. I learned that I judge. I judge a lot and it’s a protective mechanism that then builds a big ol’ wall. The thing that I love most is connecting with people, but this wall doesn’t allow me to connect with people and instead keeps them out and pushes them away. A bit of a hamster wheel.
The other thing that I do is I distract and avoid pain. My mission is to allow myself to really feel pain and know that I’ll be okay.
Feels like a tall order, but I want to be a better person and I want to be able to love myself and other people. These last 10 years have been a roller coaster. It’s time to step it up! xo