Day 4-Entitlement and Ugliness…

So…a guy I know told a few of us a story about his ex-girlfriend. And, I was totally curious who she is, so I creeped her. Ugh.

How many times have we all done things like this where, if people knew we were doing it, they’d probably think less of us?! I distract myself with this type of thing. Because, who cares who his ex-girlfriend was (I was curious because I have never known him with a girlfriend and was wondering who he’d actually date).

A lot of the activities we do have boiled down to me owning my human-ness and really accepting that I do shitty things. It doesn’t make me a shitty person, but I do shitty things and I don’t want people to know that I do. I want to hide it.

I distract myself by puttering on Facebook or making blanket statements about things and then I don’t have to feel the pain of my actions. That I’m the kind of person who does…*this*. That’s what I feel is the ugliness.

The other part, which is a side note, I’m helping with the venue where our course is. You wouldn’t believe just HOW many people leave their crap lying around…especially their garbage, paper coffee cups and WATER BOTTLES. Plastic water bottles everywhere. Most people do not care at all for the environment at all. It’s tough to be around and then also see how I’ve started caring less too, in that I’m making choices that don’t help sustainability. <sigh>

These are such long days (I wake up at 6am and go to sleep around 12:30am…5.5 hours sleep, if I’m lucky). But, I feel like I’m making progress in my own personal growth and I want to continue with that. And stay awake for it! Ha.

Hasta mañana! xo

*M

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