I cause everything in my life…? What?

Wow. Today was…it is opening my eyes and in a good, but painful way. My eyes have been opened to how I cause everything in my life. I am a part of everything in my life…how I act and what I do affects everybody around me.

Sounds logical, right? Except, how often do we (especially women) live life from a place of emotion and not logic? I know that I definitely do.

Today’s last exercise was painful, but oh so…enlightening. I had a situation with someone that I hadn’t felt good about. I had blamed them for how they had interacted with/treated me. Through what we did, I was really able to try on the other person and have some compassion for them. And compassion for myself for acting how I did.

This course is really focused on the relationship between men and women, and also the relationships we have with ourselves. It’s a group of people committed to being as open, honest and caring as possible. I feel really grateful to be a part of it. I feel like I’m growing quite a bit.

The tricky part about personal growth is that not everyone understands it. And I find that it’s different for everyone. Everyone has their own path they choose to follow, and many others don’t understand that path. For me, if the course is helping me to find my own happiness, compassion and love in the world, then it’s important.

Not for my Nonna. She doesn’t understand AT ALL what I am doing or why I’m doing it. She comes from a very different generation of people. So, that can often be frustrating because I know she’s scared of anything different (in general in her life). Also, she’s experienced my parents taking me away a few times to things that she didn’t understand (spiritual communities etc).

It’s okay that she doesn’t understand. Overall, what I’m doing is very positive. Of course, it’s expensive and I haven’t earned the money to do it…I’ve used credit. That is the biggest downside. Besides that, the practical skills that I’m learning and when practiced will be so powerful.

And now, it’s time for bed. 6-6.5 hours per night isn’t much. And my stomach/intestines are having some issues again. I hope that I can work on myself and that these gut issues can heal, whatever emotional component and then the physical components are. And now,

Zzzzzzz. xo

*M

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