Uncomfortably comfortable…

I remember when I was 10 years old, my mom, dad and I would go to McDonald’s for dinner and I’d eat the same thing every time: chicken burger, chocolate shake. I would practice saying it as fast as I could. Chickenburgerchoklitshake. When asked if I wanted to try something different, I’d always reply, No thanks! I knew what I liked…why try something different?

Nowadays, I tend to try different things and I’ll try most anything (except meat dishes…and I only eat fish of the animal family). And yet, I understand my 9 year old self, in a way. Sometimes when I try out new things, I don’t feel like myself.

For example, today I went and got a manicure and pedicure. I almost always get some variation of red, especially on my finger nails. But, today, I wanted to try something different…it’s not drastically different, but it’s different. I went with a type darker hot pink. Sometimes it takes me a long time to decide on a nail polish colour because it’s almost like I’m feeling it out…what would work best for me? I don’t want to choose “wrong”. So, I chose this colour today. And when I look at my nails, I feel…I feel a bit uncomfortable…like it’s not me. I like it enough, but…I don’t love it. Should I have stuck with what I know that I love and gone with the red? I know that this example is pretty superficial, but I find that it highlights an underlying challenge that I face sometimes: going outside of my comfort zone and embracing the choice that I’ve made.

In my life, I tend to stay comfortably uncomfortable. I have definitely made decisions that many people would not choose: I lived in Korea and taught English right after university; I decided to go back and try my hand at acting after completing training for a career as a teacher; I went to Mexico and became a nanny at an age where most of my peers are married, with children and long-term, successful jobs…

My life has been quite unconventional in some ways and conventional in others.

I do notice that my main drive is to be comfortable almost all of the time. And yet, what am I achieving?? On my death bed, when I look back at my life, will I be proud that I spend this period of my life watching Netflix, eating goodies and sleeping? Probably not.

Where to find the motivation and yearning to make a change…and make it consistently!!!

That is what I hope for. xo

*M

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