It’s eating me from within…

So. I have been sick. This past year, it seems like I am getting sick so often. Generally, symptoms of nausea, diarrhea, and stomach problems. This time, I had a fever, chills, etc too.

I’m not sure exactly what is going on and what has been precipitating this, but it is indeed frustrating because it feels like it shows up out of the blue and hits me like a freight train!

I’ve been asked if I think that it’s something emotional going on and manifesting physically. To my knowledge, I don’t think so, but perhaps I’m not aware.

A friend suggested that I journal on the question, What are the benefits of being sick? And, of course, to be honest with myself in the process. Now, initially, I thought, there are NO benefits to being sick like I was…I couldn’t watch TV or play on my phone. I was literally sleeping, aside from a few hours here and there, for 1.5 days.

I do believe that our brains are very powerful and that there is a possibility that we create illness in our bodies, likely usually subconsciously.

So, I’ll bite.

The possible benefits of being sick:

  1. If you don’t live alone, there is some sort of attention, and with that, being taken care of. Now, in my current situation, that “being taken care of” is relegated to someone once brought me some dry toast. But, it’s something. My boss asked me if I’m feeling better.
  2. Let go of responsibility for the moment…I do find that I’m struggling in life outside of my actual main work focus, in terms of what I want to do and even the things that I say I’ll do, I feel…inconsistent. So, when I was sick, I didn’t have to think about that.
  3. I can let myself off the hook (similar to #2, but different in that even things like this: blogging, or exercising, or doing anything…no can do if I can’t open my eyes).
  4. If I feel stressed, being sick is like a mandatory rest period. I find that my body generally feels rested (albeit, mentally, I still feel a bit foggy and I do still feel more tired than usual).
  5. Different side of the same coin, I can focus on getting better, vs whatever else it is that I have been focusing on.

Overall though, I hate being sick. I like the part about being able to rest my body, but the rest of it feels bad:

  1. The shame of being sick on work days (and the worrying about what my boss will think about it makes it even worse)
  2. Missing those work hours (and especially, missing the fun things that we had planned)
  3. The pain and discomfort that my body feels (aka had a hard time falling asleep one night because my body was so uncomfortable: freezing cold hands and feet, achy legs, hot body etc etc)-this is a BIG one.
  4. I can’t even do the things that I want to do: go out with friends, eat the delicious foods that I like…
  5. The feeling of being incapacitated and that I can’t fix it…or that I don’t know what’s causing it…I don’t like that feeling. I’d rather be healthy.

So, the next step is: how can I take care of myself better and do my best to have the healthiest body I can?!

I know the answer to that and it’s going to take pushing against entitlement, laziness and many of the habits I’ve formed…pushing against discomfort and building discipline.

I’m not a teenager anymore…I’m not even in my 20s anymore…my body needs some help!

My best guess is that it’s related to some sort of food that I eat…green juice? Meat? I am not sure. First step: be aware of what I’m eating and how my body reacts! Onward and upwards! xo

*M

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