That’s how it feels to be a woman sometimes. I know not every woman does it, but many of the women I’ve talked to, do it in different ways.
Some women are accommodators…they do the things that other people want, instead of what they may want to do. So they’ll like them.
Or, they try to be a certain way…act a certain way that is perhaps not authentic, but in the hopes of getting the approval of someone. For me, that started with my dad. I spent all of my childhood up until about 24 years old hoping that he’ll approve of me and love me. It wasn’t until I let go of that, that we started building a real relationship.
Then, of course, it happened with pretty much every boyfriend, every guy I dated, every guy I liked…always looking for them to like me and say that I’m lovable. That I’m attractive and desirable.
Also, it’s with friends. I want friends to want to hang out with me…to reach out to me…but most don’t. My long-time, closer friendships have turned into a phone call about 3 times a year.
The loneliness and powerless feeling of it is isolating.
Logically, I’ve learned that the best thing to do is be so happy with myself…doing things to uphold myself and raising my own esteem of myself. There are times when others probably are like, whatever, but I am proud of myself for things that I’m doing. When I’m singing and working on things that are important to me.
Throughout this course, that’s what I hope to build. Despite the fact that I’ve heard it’s a course bashing women. I’m hoping to come out of it with more empathy for myself and why I am the way that I am.
My insecurities with my looks, my social inabilities in some ways, lack of currently deep connections with anybody (including myself).
Self-love, they say. That’s the highest value. From a place of deep appreciation and upholding. Wish me luck! xo