Well, ain’t that the truth. I wish I were one of those people who was highly self-motivated. Every day was spent with purpose on things that are important to me.
But, that’s not where I’m at, unfortunately. I have aspirations and things that inspire me, but when it comes down to putting it into action, I’m as slow as a slug.
I have this compulsion to check Facebook and Instagram. I can get lost in Instagram for hours…looking at people’s pictures. Celebrities that are showing their highlight reel for all the world to see. Then I start down the unhealthy stream of thought like, if only I were young, skinny, stylish and beautiful. Then I’d have a hot boyfriend, travel the world, wear cool clothes etc etc.
I often do wonder what it is *actually* like for the above described people. Even when they’re older. Apparently there’s this 61 year old woman who is absolutely beautiful (very slim, barely wrinkled skin, long & full grey/white hair, tanned) that is the model for some brand. I thought, her age is older, but she still looks like the stereotype of all of the models. She’s still more conventionally attractive, fitter, and slimmer than most women, regardless of age. But she’s 61! Age is just a number, they say.
It’s interesting because, for me, the ideal life I’d like to have, summarized, is one where I travel the world, meeting different people; learning different languages; having a wonderful, attractive, kind partner to share that with; to be in great shape and age well; have long, luscious hair and perfect eyesight; to be stylish; to be doing something creative: singing/acting etc; to be connecting with people of all ages.
I am not doing ANY of these things right now. Part of me feels like I don’t know how to get myself in the mindset to DO it. One of my type of coaches told me: You know. <sigh> Maybe. For exercising, I do. I’ve been in fairly good shape before.
There are some changes that I can make, for sure. Watching less Netflix, for one.
I wonder what it’s going to take for me to change? Or maybe I won’t change. We’ll see. Appreciating the moments as they are right now is a better idea.
Side note: I was thinking about the whole beauty thing. I was on a Zoom call with a few people and a few were attractive actress types. I thought, perhaps I should embrace being ugly. “Ugly”. Embrace my non-chiseled, roundish face. Embrace my bespectacled self. My thin, feathery hair. My “looks better in clothes” body. My eyes that crinkle to the point you can barely see them in pictures. Embrace it and let go of looking beautiful like these women do. They have the natural genetics to look beautiful. That’s how it is. I can’t change that for myself. All I can do is embrace myself where I’m at. Let go of getting the attention and work on self-love. Always comes down to that, doesn’t it?
And when I feel like I’m loving myself, I’m singing. I’m exercising. I’m dressing in clothes that fit and that I feel good in. Food for thought. xo