I think that I might need some Mini Wheats…

And other random thoughts that run through my head. I’m trying to decide if I’m actually hungry, or if I’m feeling uncomfortable because I just watched a video about how millenials are on their phones a lot and about why millenials are how they are. I can relate completely to so many of the descriptions of being a millenial, and it’s painful. I started feeling a bit depressed. So interesting. I also think the Baileys, and then Baileys/eggnog mix may have not been needed tonight.

PAUSE.

I am eating Mini Wheats. They are definitely one of my comfort foods. I think I’m feeling a bit stressed, or maybe it’s emotional and I don’t want to feel it. I had a whole gamut of thoughts when I got up to get them. I had a moment of nostalgia looking around at my grandparents place and thinking that I don’t know the next time that I’ll be here again…that it may be a year from now. 😦

Then I thought about a New Years party that I’m going to go to and how am I going to get home? Speaking of New Years…I looked at the guest list and thought, I don’t even want to go to this party anymore. I don’t feel particularly excited to see any of the people who are going.

I had a realization: I am not cool. I’M NOT COOL AT ALL! And I know that I’ve been trying to hang out and get to know these people that I think are cool! Sarah, Ally, Allie, Mark, Crystal, even Roy to a degree. People who I see as successful, attractive, confident and interesting. In my mind, I deem them as better than me. So, I seek their approval. But blah. I don’t want to be that way. Perhaps it will be a good challenge to go into an environment where I’d normally be concerned about that kind of thing and breathe. Notice when it comes up.

The party is called Vice and Resolution. My vices that I’m bringing are wine and Ferrero Rochers. My resolution…I am still thinking about what to bring that will be a physical thing that can be seen (vs an emotional New Years resolution).

I still fall into the trap that is thinking that New Years needs to be something more than just another day of the year. If I go to that party with the knowledge that I’m attending a party and that it really does not matter if the new year starts with these people or not. I am me and will remain me, regardless of who I’m with on New Years. I’m going to think about that some more.

So, I will enjoy these next few, extra days here with my grandparents! 🙂 I’m glad that I stayed.

Listen to yourself. You’ve got something to say. xo

*M

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