This advice was so meaningful for me today. I notice that I feel feelings, but then judge it and make it bad. I feel a feeling, but only to a certain point and then I shove it down.
Do you ever find that sometimes the sensations we feel in our bodies, of what we might call emotional pain, is overwhelming? That we don’t want to feel that pain anymore, so we cover it with Krispy Kremes or sex or sleep or drugs/alcohol…
Right now, I feel it. I feel this kind of sinking stomach and a tightness in the chest. It feels like sadness. It’s uncomfortable and I want to cover up the feeling.
But, right now, I’m not going to. I’m going to feel whatever comes up. Look to experience it without judgement or worry about what others will think about me. I think that people who do that are so brave. Because it’s painful. It’s uncomfortable. I feel like I want to squirm it away. Instead, I’m going to breathe. And feel it.
If I settle into it, I can feel fear. Sadness.
I’ve created this whole crush around someone and these feelings seem to be related to the thoughts and meaning I have around that person (an unrequited crush, really, because this person has no interest in me, romantically, and perhaps, no interest in an active friendship either…we’ll see: update on that probably Thursday night/Friday).
It feels vulnerable to have these feelings about this person. I don’t want to like them like that. I don’t want to be thinking about them. I am scared to be rejected by them. I also realize the non-reality based, fantasy component in my brain.
My bottom line with them is that I care about them as a person, so regardless of all of the story that I’m making up, I want to know how they are doing and checkin/connect. I hope that they want to as well. But, if they don’t. It’s okay too.
Feel all of the feelings. Expand your emotional bandwidth. Breathe. It’s going to be okay. It IS okay. xo