I noticed something about myself today. Like, really noticed it. I was aware that I filtered for it before but just tonight, I became aware of what I make it mean.
I posted about a family celebration for my grandpa yesterday. A celebration that was really important to me. That means a lot to me and my grandpa means a lot to me.
When people like my posts, I like to look through who liked it and think about each person. I noticed myself checking the post to see if a certain person had liked it. A person that I have developed what you might call a crush on. However, I feel frustrated by this crush. But pause on that…
So, I noticed that the person did not like my post. I found myself being disappointed. Then I thought, Why? Why am I disappointed? Why do I want that person to like my FB post? Despite the possibility that they may not have even SEEN the post, even if they had chosen not to like it, why do I want that? As some background, this is a person that is constantly on Facebook, so I have past data that there’s a high chance that they scrolled past it.
I realized something. I was making it mean that the people who liked my post are people who care about me in some way. Are people who know that my grandpa means the world to me and liked the post because they know that. This is something very special to me (and that I’d briefly shared, in person, with this person). But, they didn’t Like it. Does that mean, they don’t like me? I know that I want people to like me. Are Facebook likes a reflection of people liking me? No. Logically, no.
But, it feels like it sometimes, doesn’t it? We have this digital world that we live in, and we share glimpses of our lives (albeit quite curated) to our online friends. It feels vulnerable sometimes expressing things that matter to us. When others ignore it, sometimes it feels like a rejection to us.
And so, I feel like…why put energy into the people that don’t care about you? That don’t celebrate the things that you love with you?
Now, of course, I wouldn’t recommend evaluating whether someone cares about you on if they Liked your Facebook post. That’s not a great measure of that. Haha. But, in my specific case with this person, it feels like a reflection of that. This person has liked ONE of my Facebook posts. Ever. There are also other factors, in person, that we’ve experienced. This person is not interested in me, in the same way that I’m interested in them. So, why am I focusing on them? Why do I feel disappointed that they aren’t interested in me?
Why do we choose to be interested in people that are not interested in us? Currently I see them every day. And I’m enjoying that. Why not enjoy the little time we do see each other and let go of it being anything more than that?
To put an expectation on something seems to turn it into neediness in a way: that I need him to want to be friends with me. Why don’t I be friends with him and let go of a response? Enjoy the time spent, when it’s spent, in the moment, regardless of if we ever see each other again.
How cool would that be? That I’m so grounded and confident in my own self that I express interest or care for this person without the expectation or need that they reciprocate? I aspire to that. I can be honestly and genuinely myself without the need for the other person to be a certain way. What freedom!!! Something to think about.
Happy Monday tomorrow morning! Let’s rock this week! xo