You can’t always get what you want

The older that I get, the more that I know that statement is true. Often we want things in life and feel frustrated when we don’t get it. However, I’m also realizing it’s a good thing…because, why do we want what we want? For some things, I think we don’t even evaluate why it is we want the thing and what we think we will feel like if we were to get it.

For example, right now, in my life, there’s a guy that I like. I’ve known him for 7 years, but mostly in passing. Then, in the last year and a half, I’ve gotten to know him a bit better. The more I get to know him, the more that I like him as a human being. We had a few interactions that seem to point to the fact that a romantic relationship is not in store for us, but I think we could be friends. I want to be friends with him.

But, I don’t know if he really wants to be friends with me. Also, a good question to ask is, Why do I want to be friends with him exactly? What is it that I think I’ll experience being his friend? Because, right now, I am looking at it from a point of view of: he is a successful man and I am not. He has women throwing themselves at him. I have no men, at all. So, I come at it from a viewpoint of putting me at a lower level than him. That’s my fail. That’s where I want to change my thought process.

We are also both humans, with struggles and challenges in life. I am a person that is caring, loyal, loves music, committed to the personal growth course that we are both in, and I care about him as a human. Now, he may not reciprocate that, but the thing is, he doesn’t have to. Me knowing my worth is the important part of that!

Now, the next step that my journal will help me out with tonight, is to be curious about and explore why I feel like I need *him* specifically to be my friend! I think, for me, it’s rare that I experience a connection with guys and I’d like to have male friends that I don’t sleep with! (anymore, anyway).

Perhaps right now wouldn’t be a good time to be friends though, because I would probably have his babies, if he really wanted. Haha. I feel like I want to get rid of that attraction before I can be friends, but I think that’s my rulebound-ness talking. Perhaps experience it, enjoy it even and let go of the worry. Don’t worry ’bout it! xo

*M

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