Lol or Hahaha

I was messaging with a woman that I just met today and I noticed that she responded with “lol” a lot. I tend to write “haha” or some variation. I started thinking, I wonder if it’s an age thing? Is there like an age cut-off where LOL became popular?

Then, it got me to thinking about age, age differences and how women relate to each other.

I’m starting a course tomorrow that’s mostly about really getting to know and embrace ourselves and others as we are, with compassion and love. That may sound a bit hippy-dippy, but trust me that the process is not about lighting incense and hosing ourselves down with patchouli. From what I know about it, it’s a deeply profound process that often can be painful, because we are looking at uncomfortable things.

One of the things that I’ve noticed, nowadays, is that I feel old. I look in the mirror and see someone who has aged (especially in the last year). These two women that I met today are young, vibrant actresses who live in LA. They are both unique and beautiful in their own way, with completely different looks. They are about 10 years younger than me…the same age as my sisters actually (the other girl may actually be younger than that).

I noticed that inside, I feel inferior. I feel invisible compared to them. One of my male friends seems to be quite interested in the blonde woman. He kept looking at her during the evening. I know that they know each other from LA.

I noticed myself feeling a bit jealous because he never looks or has looked at me that way. I thought about it and I think, it definitely has to do with me and how I feel about myself.

But, I also think it ties into how our society is with women. After a certain age, we seem to be invisible (unless we look like Sofia Vergara well into our 70s).

The thing that I want to work on is not devaluing myself just because someone else (in this case, a younger woman) is getting attention (especially from a man). The question to ask myself is, Why do I need attention? What do I think I’ll get from that attention?

I think this course I’m taking for the next 12 days is going to be very interesting. I feel like it’s going to rock my socks. I’m looking forward to it, even though I’m a bit scared by it!

Time to get out of my comfort zone and live my life. Build some friendships. Break out of this fear bubble that I’m in!

Whooo hooo! Here….we….go! xo



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