When I was a little kid, sometimes when we’d go to the beach, I’d walk up to other families and if they had a cracker or something that I wanted, I’d straight up ask for it. I had no rules about it not being someone I know or that it wasn’t mine to ask for.
As I grew up, I found myself sinking more into myself and it was difficult for me to ask for what I wanted. Whether it was in a relationship with a boyfriend, or from my dad. I think it depended on what it was. Often, for material things, like a bit of a donut or if I needed clothes, I’d ask. Help with homework? Nope. I cannot even remember one time that I asked either of my parents for help.
When it comes to things like money…Ahhhh! I find it hard to know my own worth and ask for it. I’ve always had jobs that have set amounts of money that are made hourly or per session and that was that. The amount my skill is worth has already been evaluated by some other body of people. It has been a learning experience to define it for myself and then when I work more hours, to ask for overtime. Fortunately I work for a fair boss.
How about when it comes to relationships? Communicating what we want and how we want the relationship to be? I think I’m pretty good at that, but I’ve had some boyfriends that just expect me to KNOW. How am I suppose to know what you want, if you don’t tell me?
And that’s even more apparent when it comes to the bedroom. I know many, many women who are afraid to ask for what they want. Usually, they go along with what the man wants and ends up feeling unsatisfied. How is the man suppose to know what each woman wants? Everybody is different and it’s so important for us to communicate. And even when it’s communicated, we need to teach each other.
It’s so freeing to express what we want. It doesn’t mean we will always get it. Most definitely not. Often we won’t. The mere act of defining what we want for ourselves and going for it is powerful.
I have a coach. She suggested a long time ago that I should look at my ideal self and what I’d want in my life…no holds barred. Even if I think it’s “unrealistic” (because sometimes we think that things are unrealistic, but really it’s our own limited beliefs). Really think about what we want and be very specific. Then, start taking small steps toward that. Little by little, we’ll find that we can create it for ourselves! Even if it’s bit by bit and takes our entire life.
Living our lives with clarity feels like we are just floating along (personally, that’s what it feels like). I struggle with defining what I want. I think that there is a fear there. What’s the harm in sitting down and really thinking about it? It should be fun! When I was a kid, I loved brainstorming the lives that I thought my dolls were living. Brainstorm my own life. Who knows? Maybe I’ll create something that I never thought that I could! That’s what I want! xo