Just one of them days…

That a girl goes through…-Monica

So. It has been a long last 2 days. I worked 12 hours each day and yesterday was challenging. So, today, I was expecting to have another challenging day…even more so because while it’s usually two of us main people, there was only one: me. However, the day went quite well.

Generally, I find that I can be a bit of a complainy person. Like, I can tend to focus on the shitty part of my day, if one main thing happens and then a bunch of other things versus focusing on the awesome things that happened in the day.

But, today…today was great. It was still challenging, but had some great moments. It feels good to feel proud of myself. To feel myself working hard and liking how I’m working. I think that’s important. Keeping up with the theme of the last post: our own opinion is the one that matters most. How do *I* feel about what I did? How I did it? Even if nobody else tells me I did a good job or appreciates how I did, I DO! That’s what matters most. Because where I am right now, there is no positive feedback. Anything I do is expected. I may hear the word, Thanks. But, that’s about it.

Sometimes I’ve not taken care of myself because I look for that positive affirmation from someone else saying that I’ve done well. For example, where I am right now…my boss has gotten himself into a situation where it’s only me right now. And so I’m working more hours. I agreed to it, because I want him to feel supported and that I feel about myself that I’m the type of person that can be counted on in situations that come up. But really…who knows if he is actually appreciative or not. Or just expects it. When I think about it, I can sense that I’m a bit nervous to actually clarify fully exact hours and the pay for those hours and then if I work more, what will I get paid more. It’s been almost a year and I’ve let it be wishy-washy. But no more…time to put on big girl pants and be clear. Let go of the wishy-washy.

Fortunately, I’m getting toward the side of: it doesn’t matter what he thinks! It’s what I think, and I think I’m doing a kickass job!!!

Now, the next step: start taking care of myself. I feel like I’m running myself down here and not taking care of the basics: enough sleep, meditating, any form of exercise, what I’m eating (lots of bread and baked goods…why are they so delicious?!). Time to start feeling good about myself and taking care of myself. In all ways! 🙂 xo

*M

 

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